i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
