Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
