There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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