your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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