woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
