So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
