My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend