My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today