You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
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I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?