you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
