Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
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I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba