goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.