How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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