I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
