you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
