They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
