You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
