This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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