If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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