I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
