he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
one might say we're banned from that church
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
