I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
