how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
