You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
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I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
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Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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