I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
