He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
