She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
