i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The beers last night were like the tears from god
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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