how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
