I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
