I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
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My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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