I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
