Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
