Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Randomize
