Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
