so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
