I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
