Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Randomize
