just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize