so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
