If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
