bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
