I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
