She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Randomize
