Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My Higher Power is John Stamos
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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