Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize