I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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