I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
