Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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