party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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