I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
