There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
