Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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