I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
