I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
