Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
