i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
