i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
