someone get that fucking seahorse.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
