Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
third nipple confirmed
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
