IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Randomize
