yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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