I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
so let's talk penis.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
