okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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