I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
