I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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