Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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