Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
