maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
