I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
