so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I seem to have left my pride at pride
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
