Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
