Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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