So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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