it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
