I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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