the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
