am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I puked a lego.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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