Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
