So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
