good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
