What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
