i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
