you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
