Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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